Addendum: Music, Remembrance of God & Jihad

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
In the Name of God, The Compassionate, The Merciful

The entry entitled "Music, the Remembrance of God & Jihad was rather long, but I felt it needed something else, so I wrote this addendum. If you haven't read that entry yet, I would recommend reading it first.

Jihad. We know it as "utmost exertion" or "utmost struggle" for good. Jihad is a universal term, underneath which are particulars, such as mujahada, ijtihad, qital, etc. Mujahada means spiritual struggle. Ijtihad means intellectual struggle. Qital means physical struggle, or fighting. I spoke of mujahada, the inner struggle that every Muslim experiences everyday. To make the issue of music and mujahada more palpable, I have decided to share my personal experience with the issue. Although initially (and to some extent still) reluctant, people close to me have suggested that I do so, feeling that it will be beneficial for others. I pray that this holds true.

Music has been a big part of my life for a long time. Some would say that I have a talent for it. I played the violin for for eight years in my school orchestra. I enjoyed playing the drums, the piano and the guitar. I never took lessons in any of those, but I knew enough to make a nice tune here and there, and I certainly had the ability to play well if the talent was honed by a good teacher. My first year of college was spent playing video games, watching movies and performing songs, singing and playing the guitar for different groups of people, in our school cafe, etc. I enjoyed listening to almost all types of music (minus country) and because of my background in violin and reading music, I could really appreciate the complexity of good music. I still can. Music was indeed the matrix within which my life enfolded. I had certain types of music I liked to listen to when I was in a certain mood, or doing a certain thing. I went to concerts (no, I didn't smoke up or drink - ever, alhamdulillah). After my first year of college I spent a summer doing a lot of driving. I forget why, but I drove a lot. My wise mother suggested one day that in the car, at least one way, I listen to a tape by some American Muslim guy. His name was Hamza Yusuf. I had heard him before and I really liked his style, so I decided, "why not, this isn't your average Maulvi Sahib after all." The summer was spent driving and listening to a message I had never heard before. I realized how deep an intellectual tradition Muslims have, and how much of it we have forgotten. Here was somebody who had studied with some of the most amazing people in the Middle East, and was not relating his own strange views, but articulating beautifully a forgotten tradition. Intellectually stimulating and spiritually uplifting, his lectures embedded in my mind and heart the importance of remembering God, of keeping the receptor of God's Signs (the heart) polished, so that an individual could be transformed. I felt that so much of what I put in it, especially through my ears, seemed to be the antithesis of what it was meant to be used for, and so in that summer God gave me the strength to quite cold turkey. I remember it clearly. My high school friend was taking a summer course, in which he was doing a project where he was to sing about a topic. I had agreed that I would play the song on the guitar for him as he sang. In my heart I felt a tremendous conflict. I knew that this was a pivotal decision. Something inside told me that if cancelled on this, with the intention that I am going to stop playing the guitar completely, as one step towards removing all music from my life, I will have accomplished something great, and something that would solidify my move towards God. Yet I also wanted so bad to play, to get that recognition from people, to be applauded, to hear the chords and feel the excitement of the rhythms created from my Dave Matthews Band-inspired strumming. I decided I would stop. I don't remember the conversation with my friend. I do remember having a hard time explaining it to him though, and I remember his awkward reaction. But after that day, I stopped playing, listening and thinking about all music. God also gave me the courage to filter the contents of my heart through my eyes, for I stopped watching TV and movies completely. This continued for about two and a half years. I have never experienced such clarity of thought, ease of remembrance, and tranquility in my life. When I was amongst people, I remembered God, when I was by myself, I remembered God, when I woke up, instead of having some stupid song stuck in my head, I remembered God. It was the greatest experience of my life.

Of course I could not find another person who held the same views as I did at that time. Thus, over the next few years, I would gradually lose the initial strength that God blessed me with that summer. After all, how could one not listen to music, watch movies and watch TV? For me, I never missed any of those things once during those two and a half years. I found pleasure and relaxation in just spending time with good people and quite honestly, remembering God! But when one spends time with people of a certain way, one will inevitably become like them. They were all good people by the way. They did not engage in most things guys their age do. They prayed regularly, and enjoyed religious gatherings. However, one can only resist so much of talk about this song or that film or the episode of whatever. I fought, but with time I found myself doing the things that everyone else did, although albeit, much less.

Today, the struggle continues. I remember the beauty and serenity of what I experienced in the past. Music, although limited, has become slightly more common in my life, along with movies. Although, given my schedule as a medical student I don’t have much time for the latter. It is always a struggle, knowing what I experienced in the past yet engaging in some of those actions that, when halted, brought such tranquility in life. Without the right environment, without others who share similar aspirations it is extraordinarily difficult, I would even dare to say impossible, to achieve such goals. For now, each day brings a new battle. Some days I win. Some days I lose. That is the nature of mujahada, of fighting against those parts of one’s soul that need to be tamed. I may lose some battles now, but the war is not lost as long as I continue on with hope in God’s mercy: and hope there is indeed, for God’s mercy is limitless, and the road to God is ever open.

This is all some of my most private thoughts, out on the internet, the most public place ever in the history of humankind. I really, really hope to God that some of this might benefit somebody out there. And I pray that God protects me and all of us from the evil that may exist in people, inlcuding myself. Ameen/Amen.

>Saleem